CineVibez Magazine Issue #7
Aimless Vibez
Are Airpods Bad for Your Ears?
I had all these ideas percolating in my brain for Issue #7. I even titled this issue CineVibeX Magazine Issue #7 for a bit after watching MaXXXine. But, I dunno, sometimes four months pass and you don’t publish a single issue and you suddenly realize you just need to get something out there to get the rhythm back and to avoid losing every subscriber. So, welcome to CineVibez Magazine Issue #7, the aimless issue!
A lot has happened in 3-4 months. I turned 40 and now I need to reference my Letterboxd diary to remember what I’ve watched. It’s like I just woke up with memory loss. And I think I’m losing my hearing; these airpods are dangerous. I practice law from time-to-time when I’m not working my full-time job as a film critic. Maybe we could do a class action suit. Please let me know in the comments if you’re also suffering from hearing loss caused by airpods.
Anyway, I’m exaggerating the time between Issues 6 and 7; it was only like 2 months. Calm down.
Catch-Up on Classics
My 40th year on this planet started with a movie people constantly recommend to me: Sorcerer. And yeah, everyone was right. It’s a fantastic movie and maybe even a masterpiece.
Sorcerer is a fitting start to my life over the hill because it marks a shift in my film-going journey comparable to its own journey. You see, I swore off Star Wars, DC and Marvel last year and got back in-touch with my true moving going self. Now, thank the maker (Star Wars reference), I’m watching classics like Devil Fetus and Ghost Nursing. I never would’ve found those movies if the Disney marketing machine still had my brain’s full attention. And, similarly, the world missed Sorcerer because Star Wars overshadowed it and every other movie released in 1977. Star Wars came out a month after Sorcerer so it never really had a chance to gain an audience.
As a somewhat symbolic gesture, I finally watched Sorcerer a few days after my birthday and wow what a picture. You don’t need magic wands when you’ve got Roy Schneider in a jungle driving trucks full of dynamite. The film’s tense and exotic vibe stays with you from beginning to end. And, most importantly, I’m happy that I am now one of the annoying guys who constantly recommends Sorcerer.
And guys, that’s not my only “classics first-watch” this month. I also watched Ms. 45, Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, Come and See, and The Long Goodbye. The first three are perfect watches for those days where you’re feeling hopeless and like the world is just a hot plate spinning in a microwave of death. But Long Goodbye is a totally different vibe! It’s cool, it’s fun, and you get a great performance out of Elliot Gould. He’s a PI who has to solve his friend’s wife’s murder before they pin it on him. He’s also looking for his cat. Gould seems to take acting notes from the cat as he works his way through the plot with a cool, chill demeanor. A similarly great Elliot Gould movie is The Silent Partner - you get Christopher Plummer in a Santa suit AND drag. What more could you ask for?
Catch-Up on Trash
Sure I love artistic expression and the like, but I also love trash. I wish The Bear season 3’s writers’ room loved trash as much as I do. If they did, they would’ve realized the smell of their farts was just that - the smell of their farts. How far did the plot progress in season 3? Ayo received a contract and pondered whether she should sign. Carmi thought about asking his ex-girlfriend out again. That’s it. That’s all that happened. The other 5 hours was just experimental cinematography. The Bear season 3 highlights why I love movies more than television. When you’re watching a movie, everything in the scene matters - intentional or not. When you’re watching tv, the show runner may squeeze in an additional season to get more advertisers.
A Pirate’s Life for Me
Anyway, I watch a lot of trash. My favorite trash movies this summer has to be The Muthers. The movie stars Jean Bell, a St. Louis native who makes stunt work look effortless. She leads a group of sexy pirates who have to free her sister from an outdoor South American prison. It’s a well-written, fun adventure that maintains a fun flow throughout. Some of the one-liners were just fantastic. I think I yelled “YES!” and fist-pumped when Jayne Kennedy shot a can of beans and said “dinner is served.” And for what it is, it’s really not that sleazy. Give it a watch if you’re seeking adventurous, fun, and sincere vibes.
Creature Features
Another great piece of trash is Mako: The Jaws of Death. Richard Jaeckel gave his serial killing shark lover some much needed heart and soul. It’s his eyes - those eyes did 90% of the acting. Expect grimy, hot, sticky sleaze with a dash of heart. BTW - those sharks were real!
1987’s Ozploitation film, Dark Age, is another dirty little piece of trash I love if you prefer your creatures on land. This is a B-movie with a capital B, but everyone involved is fully aware. If you’re seeking silly, down-under vibes, this one is hard to beat.
To close out our Creature Feature segment, let’s talk the Piranha Collection. Horrible movies. Not worth your time.
Catch-Up on the Theatrical Experience
Let’s close out CineVibez Magazine Issue #7 with a quick vibe-dive on new releases. I saw Sasquatch Sunset, The Fall Guy, Furiosa, The First Omen, the Bikeriders, MaXXXine, Kinds of Kindness, In a Violent Nature, The Exorcism, Good One, and Longlegs since Issue #6.
Sasquatch Sunset quietly came and went without much fanfare, but it was a wild movie that had a lot of heart. It depicted the lives of a pod of sasquatches living their lives, including moments of intense emotional drama. I cried three times during this movie and it’s hard to watch at times. There’s a particular scene in the river that I’m getting choked up about as I type this. Sasquatch Sunset is not just a punchline to a joke. It’s a beautiful movie that tells you more about the human condition than The Marvels or The Acolyte. Expect serene, peaceful vibes with moments that remind you of the harsh, unfair and unexpected violence one is bound to encounter in nature. Surprisingly, In a Violent Nature and Good One strike similar vibes. All three depict nature as a peaceful sanctuary … until it isn’t.
The Fall Guy and the Bikeriders harken to days of old where these types of movies were more common. The Fall Guy is basically just a romcom and love letter to action films. It’s fun but not much more than that. The Bikeriders, however, is a real treat. I haven’t confirmed, but Jodie Comer apparently nails Kathy’s voice. Watch either flick if you’re seeking comforting vibes.
Everyone is talking about Furiosa and Kinds of Kindness (two great movies), so let’s instead focus on Satan. 2024 is the Devil’s Year, amiright? Think about it - you got The First Omen, Late Night with the Devil, MaXXXine, The Exorcism, Immaculate and Longlegs releasing the first half of 2024. I found Immaculate a little boring; I don’t know if Sidney Sweeney has the chops to maintain a strong Hollywood career. She doesn’t excite me when she’s onscreen. And The Exorcism is a real snooze. I think we’ve talked about Late Night with the Devil and The First Omen, so I’m going to focus on MaXXXine and Longlegs.
MaXXXine (2024) closes out Ti West’s X trilogy with a bang, a few stabs, and some squishing. It’s a fun movie that celebrates 80s decadence in the form of a b-movie De Palma giallo. I think West succeeded in weaving the three subgenres, but he failed to remove the shiny digital look that comes with most modern films. I didn’t feel it in X or Pearl, so I’m not sure where he went wrong here. Part of the movie is set in a video store, and the scrambled fuzzy VHS look is begging to be used. But the frequent and overt nods to Hollywood’s past let me look past the film’s visual flaws. I mean come on, a quarter of this movie is filmed at the Bates Motel. Expect campy, over-the-top gory vibes.
Speaking of Bates Motel, the final movie today is Oz Perkins’ Longlegs starring Maika Monroe, Nicholas Cage, and Alicia Witt. Perkins merges a 90s David Fincher aesthetic with the supernatural to create a really eerie, uncomfortable film. You know that feeling where something feels off? Like just before bed, you have a sudden urge to check behind the shower curtain or under the bed? That’s the superficial Longlegs vibe.
On a deeper level, Longlegs is a lot of fun! In an interview, Perkins said one of his goals was to point out the absurdity and silliness of serial killer movies. He wanted to make a serial killer who is similar to those in real life - just a really gross loser whose singular life goal is to get off. The vibes get much sillier when you see the film through that lens. Either way, it’s a great movie that is worth your time.
What’s even more exciting is that you get to see a rare Nic Cage performance where his unhinged behavior is controlled (or as controlled as a Nic Cage performance can be). He doesn’t improvise anywhere. Every line he uttered came from the script. Longlegs should stand right next to Pig in this - the most recent Cage Renaissance.
While Cage is getting all the attention, I’d be remiss to ignore Alicia Witt’s performance. She was so creepy!
The Ending
You’re all caught up. Maybe you’ll get Issue #8 in 2024.
Which segment of Kinds of Kindness was your favorite? I really liked the middle one where Jesse Plemons suspects his wife is an imposter so he requests that she feed him parts of her body.