CineVibez Magazine Issue #6

Birthday Vibez

May 13, 2024

Birthday Wishes from Corporations

I turned 40 today and the onslaught of emails from corporations in possession of my personally identifiable information started early. Crumbl Cookie got in first with a free cookie offer last week. Sports Clips sent me a coupon for a free haircut this month around the same time. But my fave was 5% off from Target - literally just a discount on taxes.

Anywho, I thought it could be fun to discuss any Hollywood/movie themed corporate birthday wishes I receive.

Birthday Good Boys of Hollywood

As a AAA24 member, I get to pick a gift from a curated list of items in the gift shop. I got the Zola score on vinyl last year - the cover had cool original artwork and I love the soundtrack’s dreamlike vibes. This year, I got to choose from the following items:

I went with the Euphoria Fashion coffee table book, mostly because it will look cool on my coffee table. I also just read an interesting article on Zendaya’s fashion assistant, so Gen Z Hollywood' fashion is at the forefront of my mind. I suspect the pages are oozing with vibe juice.

Some of you may be wondering what AAA24 is. Well, it’s A24’s fanclub … yes a fan club for a film studio. It’s typical to see fan clubs for corporations this far down the late-stage capitalism timeline. For 60 bucks, you get monthly-ish magazines on topics related to recent A24 releases. They’re usually curated by actors and filmmakers. You also get access to special features on the A24 app - its akin to the DVD extras for A24 movies. The app includes some BTS footage of Greta filming Ladybird, Mia Goth in the makeup chair for Pearl, etc. Look, I hate giving my money to corporate entities, especially when that money simply lines the fat cats’ pockets. But, AAA24 is pretty fun.

Comics are indirectly related to the movie industry, right? Well, Midtown Comics in Times Square offered me 25% off any item in store. I just need to book a flight to New York by 3:00pm today.

I also got $4.00 off a ticket from Fandango. Weird choice on the dollar amount. Just give me a free matinee ticket for a dollar more, guys.

I started this idea before checking how many birthday emails I received. Unfortunately, that’s everything, so let’s talk about who DIDN’T send me a birthday gift … the theater chains.

Birthday Bad Boys of Hollywood

As a Top Brass Season Pass holder, I expected more from Alamo Drafthouse. Maybe a free dessert or cocktail? Something from the merch corner? Instead, I got the sound of crickets. Do better, Alamo.

I have entry level memberships to AMC and Marcus Theaters. I’d expect a free popcorn at the very least. In fact, I’m pretty sure AMC used to do that. I know Wehrenberg Theaters, the greatest theater chain of all time, did before their closure brought Greg Marcus the assclown to my town. I just can’t remember what it was. Movies and birthdays go together like milk and cookies so birthday surprises seem like a no-brainer.

It’s only 12:50pm here, so the corporations listed above have a chance to redeem themselves. I’ll edit in/out anyone who does so. You know who probably won’t redeem himself? That assclown Greg Marcus. I heard he gives everyone a blanket with his face on it for their bdays. Take a look:

What’s bigger? The blanket or Greg’s ego?

Here’s some more photos of Greg Marcus being a jackass. Pay close attention to the full frontal crotch photo where Greg is sitting down:

Birthday Picks

Every year, I watch at least one movie on my birthday. I haven’t selected my pick yet, but we can talk about what I watched this weekend.

First, I saw The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare (2024) on Friday. I enjoyed this average to slightly above average war movie. It had a pretty tight premise, although I felt the story wander at times. Alan Ritchson stood out among the other cast members. There was something very satisfying about the way he sliced and diced his way through Nazis. Cavill’s comedic efforts worked well here, too. My favorite scenes were between those two guys. Expect fast-paced, fun, lighthearted vibes. My biggest complaint is that Rory Kinnear reminded me more of Rob Ford than Winston Churchill. I love Rory Kinnear, but I don’t think he was used well. It’s worth a watch, even for Guy Ritchie haters.

Next, I saw The Girl in the Basement (2020), starring Judd Nelson and Stefanie Scott. I cannot recommend this movie in good conscience. This movie is about a girl who’s father locks her in a basement and makes her his sex slave. Yet, it lacks any depth. There’s really nothing there other than surface level, underdeveloped characters and a poorly written script. That being said, Stefanie Scott did an excellent job portraying the abused daughter. It’s a shame the rest of the cast and crew didn’t support her efforts. Skip this movie, but keep an eye out for Stefanie Scott.

I finally got around to seeing Abigail (2024). This movie was a fine heist/kidnapping film that takes a major genre shift in the third act. At this point, you probably know that the kidnapped girl is secretly a vampire. The third act consists of this discovery and its immediate consequences. I know how the studio could have improved this film: DON’T TELL US THE GIRL IS A VAMPIRE IN THE TRAILER! I’m going to pledge to all of you a commitment to stop watching movie trailers. They spoil too much.

Finally, I saw The Teachers’ Lounge (2023) on Friday. The acting was phenomenal. Leonie Benesch gave a really impressive, nuanced performance. I want to watch again just to watch her facial expressions and body language. This movie is about how quickly a narrative can spiral out of control. I highly recommend it.

Conclusion

In summary, I still need to pick my birthday movie for today (it’s my 40th). Feel free to make recommendations in the comment section, but not This is 40. And as a birthday gift to me, forward this email to a movie loving friend who may want to subscribe (for free!).

Happy Watching!

Murray