CineVibez Magazine Issue #5
CineVibez Magazine Issue #5
Nostradamus Vibes
2024’s new release lineup is really just starting to heat up, although that hasn’t stopped me from CineVibin’ my way through Quarter 1, 2024. And boy, oh boy, what an adventure it has been. I saw some good movies and some bad ones. Michael Crichton’s Looker (1981) stood out the most because it accurately predicted last summer’s SAG/WGA strikes. Let’s start there.
Did Michael Crichton know of the existential threat artificial intelligence would bring to SAG-AFTRA and WGA in the summer of 2023 or have we been destined to replace ourselves from the beginning? Time travel isn’t real, so its the latter.
In Looker, models and commercial actors keep scheduling appointments with our protagonist, a sleazy plastic surgeon played by Albert Finney. Each girl comes equipped with very specific body measurements they want. One needed 0.03 mm shaved off the tip of her nose. Another needed her left eye raised 1.23 mm and right eye raised 1.24 mm. I don’t remember if these specific measurements were referenced, but you guys get the idea. These ladies had very specific “goals” to hit.
It doesn’t take long for the bodies to start stacking up. All but one of the models died under mysterious circumstances, and our 55 year-old, out of shape, plastic surgeon decides he needs to keep that last remaining model nearby. But how could a schlubby old surgeon convince this super model to stay at his place? It’s simple - just invite her over for sex … the magic of cinema!
It turns out that Hollywood hired tech companies to fine tune shows and commercials in a way to persuade and manipulate consumers. This involves making actors get plastic surgery to fit the needs of the commercials. If the actors fail after “enhancements,” they go in this thing called the Looker Machine. The Looker Machine uploads your digital likeness to be used in future programming. The actors get a one-time $800 fee. The movie’s overarching conflict arises out of some of the Looker Machine’s unwanted side-effects.
This is a cheesy sci-fi movie, but it explores bodily autonomy, fair wages, and digital privacy/rights. There’s really no difference between this film’s villain and Disney and Apple.
Looker is also a well-made film. The first shot ever of Arnold’s Terminator is ripped directly from a gorgeous shot of Susan Dey being lowered into the Looker Machine. And you know what? Crichton did it better. If that doesn’t convince you to see this movie, check out Albert Finney’s cool shades.
Looker has cool, slick vibes. The film opens with colorful pink bedrooms with lingerie clad models, beach-side rendezvouses, and the rich and famous rubbing elbows at art galleries. As the nefarious plot is revealed, the film gets colder and more futuristic. Like Alien and Terminator, our characters end up in a dark room full of metal lit only by the red glare of exit signs. I’d file this one under “cool, slick, scifi vibes.”
Another great movie that was ahead of its time is Black Sunday (1977). Bruce Dern (who was just on Apple+’s Palm Royale this week) is a war vet who goes off the deep end, joins an international terrorist group, and hijacks the Goodyear Blimp at the Super Bowl. Robert Shaw plays an Israeli spy who tries to thwart the terrorist plot. It’s a lot of fun to listen to Shaw complain about dumb American traditions.
And speaking of shitty tech people, I watched The Social Network (2010) a few days ago. It is so close to being a masterpiece, but Rashida Jones’ second year associate breaks up the no-hitter. I have always found her character somewhat unnecessary; but the character is also an idiot. She said she “specializes in voir dire.” That’s like a doctor saying he specializes in wearing scrubs. A dear friend recently mentioned that he didn’t like Jones’ final line, “You’re not an asshole, Mark. You’re just trying so hard to be.” From anyone else, that line could be a good snarky insult. But, Jones delivered it with empathy, giving Zuck an out. That twerp doesn’t deserve an out.
I also watched Omen 1-3 in one day so I could see this new prequel (which I haven’t seen yet). The movies are fine, but nothing really exciting. Honestly, I’m surprised by the films’ longevity. The final battle with the Nazarene in Omen 3 was funny, though. The Omen movies generate pretty chill vibes. The murders are mostly accidents or bird-related. It’s mostly just a lot of ominous shots with spooky music. Great for a rainy day.
New Release Vibes:
Love Lies Bleeding (2024): LLB is my favorite movie of 2024 so far, but I’m always a fan of Kristen Stewart genre movies. It has dark, neo-noir vibes wrapped in a queer love story. I saw a lot of people online call it a “vibes movie.” I think that means there are elements of surrealism in the film. I guess gen-z needs its own vocabulary. But the surreal ending will put a big smile on your face.
Dune, Part 2 (2024): I didn’t know about that heel turn, so Dune 2 was a really fun surprise. Beautifully shot with epic, desert scenes, but the core of the film gives off raw, yet manipulative, power-hungry vibes.
Civil War (2024): Civil War was a serious, gritty, movie that gave me Call of Duty vibes. I watched with a friend who was riveted by the film’s immersive feel. To me - the third act was essentially just a multiplayer session of COD, but maybe less desensitized people will have a different experience. The story also felt a little hollow, but I really struggled to connect to it.
Ricky Stanicky (2024): Ricky Stanicky reminded me of a 90s Farrelly Brothers movie. I laughed out loud dozens of times. Great premise too. This movie is 100% hijinks vibes.
The Beekeeper (2024): Dramatic, manly, no-nonsense vibes with a touch of sensitivity. The Beekeeper is bad, but its also a lot of fun. The story is totally nonsensical and full of annoying characters. Most of the villains are crypto-tech bros. I’m sure the writer thought Jason Statham killing tech bros would be a sure winner, but we still have to spend time with the tech bros.
Argyle (2024): I couldn’t finish it. Embarrassingly bad CGI. Lazy script. Apple Film Studios (or whatever its called) absolutely sucks. Every movie looks so digital; almost like the whole thing is fake CGI. And frankly, I wouldn’t doubt it if it was. I’ve said it before - Jon Hamm and Jen Aniston did not film a single scene together in The Morning Show. Don’t give Apple money to see this.
Housekeeping:
Expect monthly issues of CineVibez going forward. I’m going to roll the other newsletters into CineVibez and spend more time on each issue. I have some fun new ideas for next issue, so keep your eyes peeled on your inbox!